How to be Happy
Don’t worry, be happy!
Sounds simple, right? But are we really happy?
Probably unsurprisingly, given the last 18 months we have all had, research shows that happiness and life satisfaction rates in the UK are falling.
With us facing health problems, withdrawal of social contact and financial difficulties to name but a few, the news is filled with something negative to read at any given moment. So much so, that Oxford Languages had to add ‘Doomscrolling’ to the dictionary last year; meaning to devote excessive time to scrolling through news stories, even though they may be depressing, saddening or disheartening.
Humans have a wide scale of emotions, and many words to describe them, but we tend to fall into the trap of labelling ourselves as happy or sad; our days as good or bad. In reality, we may be tired, scared, anxious, excited, content, energised – but we always boil our feelings down to happy or sad. Because of this, our views of emotions are becoming very two dimensional. Instead of sitting on a spectrum, we fall into one category or another, meaning our attempts to make ourselves feel ‘better’ are often in vain. As with anything two-sided, one tries to cancel out the other – so we try to make ourselves happy to stop being sad. When really, we may need energy to stop ourselves feeling fatigued – or calm to combat anxiety.
We are constantly given ways and ideas to make ourselves happy, and to emphasise any positive emotions that we have. But we are rarely, if ever, given good guidance on how to help ourselves when our sad thoughts get too much for us to deal with.
As we’ve mentioned, it is best practice to not let ourselves view things as an on or off switch – good or bad, nice or horrible, attractive or unattractive. By seeing the spectrum in between, we become open to a much wider range of emotions, and we have a lot farther to go before we get to a negative one. Try to respond to a situation, rather than react. Give yourself time to process something before rushing into a potentially negative reaction.
Our worry about the future, or constant planning for it, is one of our main sources of unhappiness. We worry about if we’ll finish all our work in time today, what will happen if we don’t? Will I get enough sleep tonight, what will happen tomorrow if I don’t etc.? This constant negative narrative on our lives is bound to bring us down. It’s important to stop these racing thoughts wherever we can – worrying won’t change the future, it will only make your present more miserable.
Integrating some mindfulness into your day will be one of the best tools you ever use to help combat negative emotions. I’m not meaning the stereotypical cross-legged meditation on a beach, but more the awareness of things going in on our lives in general.
How often have you got to the end of the day and realised you couldn’t really recall anything that had happened in great detail? Or driven from point A to point B, and not been able to remember the journey in between?
This happens more frequently than we’d like to admit – and that’s purely because we’re not taking notice of the things going on around us.
Bringing in some mindfulness practice into your daily routine is much easier than you might think it to be. It doesn’t need to be time consuming; you don’t need to ring-fence long periods of time in the day for it. Introducing mindfulness into everyday life can simply be paying attention to things you were otherwise too busy rushing around to notice.
Take a mindful shower – How does the water feel on your skin? What does your shower gel smell like? Really use your senses to experience this – be in the moment and try to let your thoughts pass you by.
Go on a mindful walk – Sure, we’d all like to have the opportunity to walk around in a beautiful forest or on a beach every day, but this just might not be possible. But this doesn’t mean to say you can’t notice the things around you, even just on a walk around the block. What can you hear? Have any of the houses you walk past changed, grown some lovely flowers, painted their front door?
By tapping into your senses and the present moment more throughout your hectic days, you can start to live more mindfully and, as a result, increase your well-being and happiness.
Obviously, there are always going to be challenges that you come up against. Things aren’t always going to go your way 100% of the time, no matter how much you plan for them to. One of the most important skills you can learn is this: Find the positives and the benefits that you can draw from the situation, rather than focusing on any negatives it may bring.
For example, you might wake up in the morning and be faced with a long day at work. Tasks are piling up, and you have no choice but to stay late at the office to get on top of it all. First thing in the morning, not yet having had a cup of coffee and dreaming of Friday, this might seem an impossible hill to climb. But STOP. Before you let yourself dread the day ahead and ultimately put yourself in a bad mood think, what positives are there in today?
That feeling of real productivity, the pride you will feel when you can tick things off your
‘to-do’ list at the end of the day. The rush hour traffic you will miss on the way home by staying later. All of these things, though seemingly small, when focused on, can fundamentally improve your mood.
Here at OLIP Therapy, formerly The Hampshire Hypnotherapy and Counselling Centre, we like to focus on the little things in life that make us happy. It doesn’t always take much!
Sue says “What makes me happy is spending time with my little granddaughter, Sophie and James’ son Roch, just doing simple things like colouring and chatting together. And I love their hugs!! Walking Bilko, my dog, makes me happy too. I keep happy during the day at work by taking a walk around the lake at the office or spending time chatting with the girls in reception or the business lounge when I get the chance. I also love checking in on our lovely Facebook group members to see how they’re getting on.”
James says “Personally I find a thing that brings me the greatest happiness is spending time with my son whether it’s a trip to the supermarket, reading a book with him, bouncing on the trampoline or a visit to the toy shop. He can lighten up even the most mundane of jobs. Together we can find the joy in just about anything we do together. If I am taking him out for the day, then the level of excitement is magical. From his cuddle first thing in the morning to the chats we have before he drifts off to sleep, having a child is truly one of the best, most joyous things in the world.”
And for me, happy time is with my family – doing simple things and spending time together. Walking my little dog and exploring new places makes me happy, and so does the sunshine and the beach – everything is better with a bit of Vitamin D and the water! I feel very thankful to live on the South Coast. I like to try and find happiness in the smallest parts of my day: time to myself in my favourite coffee shop, a good clean of the house, watching a film with my partner, and spending time bouncing ideas backwards and forwards between Sue, James and myself.
So, what will you do to bring a bit more joy into your daily life?
Lara
“Happiness is an ongoing process of fresh challenges, and it takes the right attitudes and activities to continue to be happy.” –Ed Diener, American psychologist
